Snares and hooks

One of the most common causes of relapse is something known as "getting a case of the fuck-its." The "fuck-its" are when someone in recovery starts having a difficult life circumstance and instead of coping with it in a healthy way, they say "fuck it!" And go for what they know will give them instant relief, their DOC (drug of choice). This comes from an addicts self-taught behaviors of seeking instant gratification and acting out of impulse instead of reason. These subcontious queues can creep up and make staying sober incredibly difficult. 

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What triggers a case of the "fuck its" is different for everyone. For me, its relationships. Recently, I found myself in (probably) one of the most compromising situations for my recovery that I have experienced since I got sober a few years back. 

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I fell in love. 

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To add insult to injury, I fell hard and fast for this dumb girl. (She's not actually dumb im just bitter. ...its a process.)

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Unfortunately, it became one of those relationships where one party becomes completely uninterested. She was fresh out of an extremely toxic relationship which made the possibility of us having a meaningful one pretty impossible. Instead of realizing this and cutting ties for my own mental well-being, I went the other way and doubled down on my dependence(addict🙋‍♂️), working even harder to get the relationshit to work. For a week I tip-toed through the tulips trying to appease, being completely miserable in the process.

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For the first time since getting sober, I was romanticizing the idea of using and just saying "fuck it." ...It was extremely faint, a kernel of a thought, really. But, when you're in recovery you cant mess around with stuff like this. When these thoughts start creeping, you must run the other way!

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It took a coworker/friend to mention... "Don't you worry about your sobriety with all this stress with this girl?!" 

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Him saying what I had already been thinking was eye opening. I needed to cut ties and get over this quick!

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After eradicating every shred of the trigger(her), I referred to a distraction exercise I came up with that works incredibly well with cravings and triggers. This exercise makes great use of DBT and mindfulness practices. We're even implementing it into our program at The Lasko Refuge.

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It goes like this,

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Once you get sober, be mindful of moments in your life that initiate extreme happiness. When you find yourself in these moments of sober euphoria, WRITE DOWN ON PAPER what you are doing that is causing your happiness. They have to be times that you are so happy, you actually realize and acknowledge it. 

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Here is an example. These are real life things "someone" was doing that made "them" noticeable happy...

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1. Mob the fuck out of the BMW. 

2. Help someone with manual labor.

3. Flirt.

4. Flirt on Facebook. 

5. Talk about tech or guns with Nick (brother).

6. Buy something expensive for the kids. 

7. Watch your drum videos on YouTube. 

8. Wash and detail the car, fill it with gas, do all laundry, wrap up all emails, fax all paperwork. Clean bathroom, shower.

9. Listen to monsoons by pucifer on good headphones. 

10. Go on a walk for longer than an hour.

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I have over a hundred things on my list that I have discovered make me happy and are proven to change my mood. 

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Sometimes when I look at my list, I feel a little selfish because "feed the poor" and "Volunteer to help clean up trash in the city." Isn't on there. But its important to remember this is WHAT ACTUALLY MAKES US HAPPY not what we think is supposed to make us happy. It's a proven list because we record it in real time. Now, I have a physical list of guaranteed activities that promote happiness. Most importantly and where the DBT comes into play, they're DISTRACTIONS. 

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It only took one day of driving my car really fast without traction control on and acting like a bit of a slut on Facebook and vuala!!! Craving gone, trigger rendered harmless. Once you beat a specific trigger, you take all of its power away and it never bugs you the same way again. 

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Do I feel bad about breaking the speed limit and disappointing my mother on Facebook?🤷‍♂️ Sure, maybe a little. But, the alternative is relapse, and that guy will embarrass me way more on social media and drive way more dangerously on the backroads.

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You must do whatever it takes, like your life depends on it. 

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Because it does.

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This shouldn't worry anyone, this is a great example of working your recovery. Maneuvering through life and being proactive and assertive when you're thrown a curve ball. I actually handled this pretty well, which isn't surprising because I am a PROFESSIONAL ALCOHOLIC.