Filling the void
Filling the void.
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Slipknot has a song on their 5th studio album titled XIX. It's a very creepy and deep song with a passionate demeanor (I love it). In the beginning of the song, one of the band members is heard saying
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"this song is not for the living, this song is for the dead."
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When people hear this, they are probably thinking "Wow that's deathly and cryptic." But, what he's saying isn't that the song is for zombies or the physically dead, but for those of us who feel like we're dead INSIDE, its symbolism. When I heard it, I knew exactly what he meant, it brings a dimension to the song that I relate to as an addict.
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The song was written after the bands bass player died of a drug overdose, and it speaks to that loneliness and emptiness we feel when we are deep into our addiction or affliction.
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Those of us who have struggled with substance abuse and mental illness know exactly what he is talking about. Addicts have a void that we try to fill with our DOC(drug of choice). And after enough time using and being in that continuous cycle of trying to feel better, there comes a point you feel like you're dead to everyone and everything.
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If you've read my story you know I've been in that hole before... A LOT. So over time I have come up with my own little formula for ending those feelings of emptiness. Keep in mind I am no phycologist or "life guru." These are just processes I have picked up in my journey that help me.
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The three things you NEED that remove the feeling of loneliness and emptiness.
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1. Spirituality
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Spirituality (not necessarily religion) is inward reflection, community, contemplative practices, and living with gratitude and graciousness. It was proven via brain scan and studies from Yale that spiritual people are 4 times less likely to have depression. And spirituality gives addicts a 80% higher recovery rate. Its worth it to look into.
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2. Be present/enjoy each day
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I future trip a lot, and I noticed I was worrying so much about things happening in the future or that already happened in the past it was causing me to miss out on life happening RIGHT NOW. Slow down, you'll get the raise/job/account/girl/visitation/house soon enough! Go for a walk, eat out, see friends, TAKE YOUR TIME, live in the now.
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3. Self/mindfulness/ knowing our feelings
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One of the best things you learn in DBT/CBT is about being mindful. Being able to identify, then disect your emotions and analyze their effects on you helps tremendously. Its the single greatest discipline to have to live life abundantly.
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Things that WILL NOT EVER fill your void. "Nouns"
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1. Persons
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"If only I could win back my ex!" Or "If I was dating so and so I would be complete!" Or "if only I had these friends." Nope! You will just have half-assed relationships because what you're missing you'll find inside of you, not them.
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2. Places (job or social constructs)
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"Once I get that house." Or "when we finally move into that nicer neighborhood" or "if I only had that job." Nope, you're just going to relocate your misery and sorrow.
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3. Things
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"If I drove that car." Or "if I had that new boat." Or "I just need to check out my Amazon cart." Nope, youll be poor AND empty inside.🙃😏🤣
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Its easy... The void isn't actually a void. Its an identity crisis your soul/mind is having. There's no external remedy! You already have the ingredients within you to make the special sauce, you just have to love yourself and learn about yourself to satisfy it.
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Be blessed my friends!
2 comments
Wow, I’m sorry but I thought you were a guy when you started making Slipknot references! But wow. I’m a addict. Still using. Hate myself and hate my life. Just stuck with it because I thought, "At least I’m good at something! Stupid I know. I don’t know what I’m ever going to do?
You are amazing! Love reading your words, you need to write a book!!❤